The Box Under the Bed
by Jelly Beans Galore
Summary: A man leaves a series of letters for his ex-boyfriend. Past DenNor, one-sided DenNor, past SuFin, mentions of other couples. AU.


**I know I said I wasn't going to write any more for this category but I guess I lied.**

You didn't know what to expect when you were called to your ex-boyfriend from college's house by a mutual friend you hadn't spoken to in years-probably since you broke up. You'd heard of his death on the news of course; he was young and it was something rather unusual that killed him but you hadn't paid attention because it felt like it was none of your concern.

If you think about it, you guess it makes sense. Your ex didn't have any family so it had to be just people that he knew that took care of all his affairs. But you would have assumed that he would have had some sort of significant other by now to do this. It doesn't really matter. You just feel bad for your friend (Can you still call him your friend?) for being burdened with this task.

You climb out of your car and your friend silently leads you inside. You don't know what happened, but the silence is different. You assume it has to do with a break-up or else there'd be another man jumping around and chatting nervously. There is a kid though and your friend calls him Peter.

All your friend says about why you're there is that he found a box he's supposed to give to you. He leads you up to the bedroom and the box is sitting on a bed, which is nothing more than a mattress and a bed frame now. You recognize both.

Your friend leaves you alone in there and you pick up the box. There's a note on top saying to give it to you if he died and another under it addressed to you. You don't bother to read that one and simply open the box. You don't intend to stay here any longer than necessary. You lay the lid on the bed and look inside to find thousands of letters. Some are simple scribbles of phrases and others are long and take up the entire sheet, but it's clear they're all for you.

You take a look at the letter on top you skipped.

_Hey, Norge! I know you hate me calling you that but if you're reading this, I'm dead so you can't kill me and it doesn't really matter, right? _

_So this box I'm giving you is full of letters I've been writing since the day you left. I know it probably doesn't matter to you, but for me this is-I guess the word is closure but that doesn't feel right. Anyway, it's important to me that you read all of them. It's everything I've wanted to tell you and I want you to know. So please just read them. They're dated just so you know. I know you like orderly things. _

_Come to think of it, a lot could go wrong with this plan. Like what if you died first? That doesn't feel right to me. I don't want to live in a world where you aren't here, even if I wouldn't have any idea. What if when you get these, you have Alzheimer's or something and don't even remember me? It'd be weird for you to forget because you have such a good memory but I guess it could always happen. But please don't forget me. _

_Love, _

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

You set that letter aside and sort through the others so that they're in time order. It's just like him to haphazardly store stuff to make trouble for even now, even when he's gone.

You pick up the first letter and know what that day was immediately. You prepare yourself for the angry content and read.

_September 19__th_

_Fuck you. FUCK YOU! How could you leave me? What did I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything. We were perfect together and now you're gone and I don't know why. _

_Could I have to done anything to make you stay? Or are you just a dick that wanted to play with my heart? That's probably it. You probably don't care for me and never did and you lied when you said I love you. _

_I hate you. I hate you so much. _

_That's a lie. I love you and you know it. _

_It's all your fault. I can't even think clearly. I can't write. _

_September 25__th_

_Am I thinking clearly now? I don't know. I think I'm thinking clearer than I was when I wrote the first letter. I'm sorry for everything I said. I know it wasn't your fault and I shouldn't blame you for leaving. If you were unhappy, you had every reason to go. _

_Were you really unhappy though? I was happy. I was the happiest I've ever been. _

_I was thinking this morning about how you warned me. You told me that you had fallen out of love with me but you were willing to try to fix our relationship. You couldn't promise anything though. _

_You were always perfectly honest with me. It doesn't make it any easier though. _

_I'm still in love with you. I'm still completely in love with you and I can't change that. I love you. I love you more than anything. _

_Is it too much is that what made you leave? _

_I want you back. I miss you. I miss your eyes-you don't understand how pretty they are and I miss the way they would glare at me and how sometimes they'd get that look like you were fond of me. I miss your smile that you only rarely let me see. I miss your hair-I love that color you know and I always wished my hair was the same color but it looks better on you than it would on me. I miss everything about you. _

_Love, _

_Your Stupid Danish Boyfriend_

_October 15__th_

_I didn't expect to be writing another one of these. It's just that that I was eating breakfast and having orange juice and all of a sudden I felt like I needed to have contact with you and this is the best I could do. _

_I can't find anything to say though. I'll just leave it like this. _

_Love, _

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_P.S. I just noticed that I forgot the ex on the last letter. I was going to change it but the handwriting looks so perfect that I'd rather just leave it. _

_October 23__rd_

_Today, I was at my job at the coffee shop and your brother came in. I missed the kid to be honest. He ordered coffee and talked to me for a while but he didn't mention you at all. Are you guys on good terms? I can never tell. _

_I guess he's about eighteen now, huh? In college? He looked tired. It's probably why he needed the coffee. _

_Before he left, he said he hoped I was well. He's really a good kid. I understand why you care so much about him. _

_Love, _

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_December 25__th_

_It's kind of funny that I'd write you on Christmas, isn't it? I mean, it seems like it should be that way at least, but I know it's not. I'd meant to give up on this, but I found out today Tino and Berwald broke up. That's really messed up , isn't it?_

_I'm not sure if they broke up today or if they've been broken up for a while, but it doesn't really matter I guess. It's all over._

_I mean, I'd always thought that we would be together forever and I loved you (still do) more than anything, more than I could imagine loving anything, but it still always seemed like they were even more in love. Like, if I expected us to get married, they'd be married and have kids before us. So I figured that even though we'd broken up, they'd still last._

_They didn't though._

_It's strange, huh? Everything is changing from college. Not a single one of those couples that we used to know are together anymore. Well, I take that back. I think Feli and Ludwig still are, but they're in a whole separate category, you know._

_I just started thinking, do our friends keep up with you? I don't know because they never tell me. I still talk to Berwald and Tino—well, I did, but I'm not sure what's going to happen with that now. I mean, Ber has been my friend since we were kids but I don't just want to stop talking to Tino but can I even talk to them both?_

_Is that what everyone went through when we broke up?_

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_February 2__nd_

_If you ever read this, you're going to kill me because it's wrinkled. I just took a shower and my hands are wet while I writing this but you can probably see the water damage anyway, right?_

_I haven't written in a while because I thought that maybe I didn't need to. But something happened this morning and I need to again._

_I was grocery shopping and I ran into Tino. Well, not really. I didn't actually speak to him or anything; I just saw him. He was with some girl. She looked pretty young. She was really pretty too. She was kind of short, had blonde hair that was cut over her shoulders and she was wearing some sort of flowery dress. Cute over all. I didn't know Tino had any interest in girls at all._

_But it felt really weird when I saw him. Before then, I felt like maybe it was all going to get better and they'd make up and get back together but Tino's moving on so I guess not._

_It's probably stupid of me to write this anyway. Does Tino talk to you? Did you already know this?_

_Why am I even asking questions when I'm never going to get an answer?_

_March 10__th_

_I'm actually writing another letter while I write this. You see, I decided that I want you to read this letters after I die and I needed to leave instructions. So when you read this, you've probably already read that letter. But I got bored while writing it and so I started doing this instead._

_I really don't have much to say though. I really should get back to writing the other._

_It just occurred to me that if you read the first part of this letter that you'd think I want to kill myself. I don't. Not at all. I want to leave my life and be happy. I want to move on._

_I feel stupid saying this when I keep writing to you. It's like a relapse almost. I think I've moved on enough and then I sit back down and I'm talking to you again. I have no idea where you are or what you're doing and you'll never even see this until I'm dead but this still feels like my connection to you. So I have to keep doing this._

_I need to move on. I know I do. But I think I'm obsessed with you. It's not like I write every day, but I do think about you and imagine you coming back. Am I going insane? It doesn't feel like it. I still feel like myself. They say that truly insane people don't question their sanity. I am, so I guess that means I'm not insane. But what if I'm not really questioning myself and I am insane? I don't even know._

_You'll probably think I'm nuts reading this. I still love you._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_March 12__th_

_I mean it. I still love you._

_Love, _

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_March 30__th_

_I just got to thinking about how I probably shouldn't be signing my letters with love. My language teacher always told me that you only sign love to your significant other or your family. It's wrong to write that to anyone else, even friends. But I can't stop writing it because that's what I'm sending you when I write these letters. I love you. _

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_April 26__th_

_I managed to make almost a month not writing to you. I can excuse myself on this though because I saw Tino again._

_I talked to him this time. The girl was with him again. As it turns out, they're not dating; she's an intern at his work and they're friends. She's actually pretty close to your brother's age. Definitely too young for any of us. Her name is some weird German-sounding thing, but she prefers to be called Lilli. That's a cute name, huh? It suits her, I think. _

_Lilli is actually really nice. I don't know why I was surprised to find that. She reminds me a lot of Tino in a way, bouncy, cheerful, upbeat, sweet. Actually, she reminds me a lot of the way Tino used to be. I still don't know if he talks to you, but Tino isn't the same anymore. I haven't seen him smile once since everything happened. It's weird._

_He invited me and Lilli to lunch tomorrow. He said there will be one other person there. I don't know who it could be. He can't invite you because well, you know and he can't invite Ber for similar reasons. I think maybe his weird friend Eduard, but then again, Tino knows I hate that guy. I'll tell you what happens, I guess._

_April 27__th_

_It was your brother._

_I was so shocked to see him. I didn't even know Tino and him were friends, but they must be because he came. At first I was thinking maybe Tino invited him so Lilli would have someone close to her age, but I found out the truth later._

_Your brother had a class so he couldn't stay long and Lilli said that it was the same for her. As they got up to leave, they found out they go to the same school and were actually going to the same class. She laughed and thought it was funny that they'd never noticed each other before. She didn't notice your brother blush._

_After they'd left, Tino turned to me and mentioned that your brother had mentioned the cute girl in one of his classes to him on accident and through a series of investigations, Tino realized that the girl your brother likes was his friend Lilli. So he tried to set them up. I think it's working. They'd be good together._

_I also found out that Tino is dating some Russian guy now. He didn't seem to want to talk about his relationship much though. He doesn't sound very happy._

_Tino is nothing like the kid I knew in college. I wonder if that's because of the break-up (It's weird though; I always thought that Berwald would be the one to change over the end of their relationship because he was the one who fell first. I know Tino is, or at least used to be, more outwardly sensitive, but I just didn't expect this from him. Honestly, Berwald is just about the same as he was before. I still don't know who broke up with who or why they did or even if either still likes the other. Wait, I think I was writing a sentence before I started on this rant.) or because of his new relationship or because he's just growing up._

_Is this what growing up is? I don't want to then._

_But I probably need to. I'm twenty-seven and still working at a coffee shop. I haven't even searched for a real job. But I don't want to. I don't want anything to change. I want it to stay like this forever._

_I guess that's kind of not true. I want everything the way it was before we broke up but I also want your brother and Lilli to be dating because they should be happy too._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_May 1__st_

_I just had the worst day ever. Horrible customers were coming in and out. This one just kept yelling for hot water, which we don't serve and no matter how many times I explained to another that mocha means chocolate, she would not get it through her stupid head. The only bright side was this little kid came in wearing a superhero costume. His mother ordered him ice cream, but she forgot that his brother was there. (How do you do that? How do you forget about your own child?) I wanted to make the forgotten child feel better but I also didn't want to punish the other kid because it wasn't his fault his mom forgot his brother. I ended up giving both of them free hot chocolate._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_May 4__th_

_I got a letter from you today. Well, not really a letter. It was a text. It was really short. You probably won't remember sending it. It said, "Hey. I hope you're doing fine. I know we can't be friends after everything, but I did care for you a lot. I have a boyfriend now. I like him a lot." You always did send strange texts like that. Were you feeling guilty or something? I guess I won't ever understand why you wanted to send it._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_May 17__th_

_It's your birthday. Happy birthday. I always think it's funny that you're older than me. I forget it sometimes._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_May 23__rd_

_Berwald came over today. He apparently adopted a kid. He didn't tell me that he was doing it. The kid's name is Peter. He's kind of a brat. It might be because I'm not used to kids. He calls me his uncle though. I can forgive him. I don't have any siblings so this is the only chance I'll ever have to be an uncle._

_I used to think that I would be when your brother had kids. But that's not happening now, huh?_

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

_June 6__th_

_Yesterday was my birthday. It's Ber's today, remember? Anyway, I got drunk yesterday. I didn't tell you before, but I drank a lot when you first left. You probably figured that though because that's what I do, huh? I'm actually starting to wonder if me drinking too much is why you left._

_I don't know why I keep coming up with reasons. I think it's because I don't like the idea of you leaving because you didn't love me._

_Anyway, I got drunk. I was actually drunk when I wrote that the first letter. And the second too, I think. Maybe that's why everything was so unclear in my head._

_Love,_

_Your Stupid Danish Ex-Boyfriend_

You stop reading because at this point, it's almost the same thing every time and you don't want to bother reading five more years' worth of letters from someone who hasn't been in your life in six. You can't help but think about everything he didn't know. Lilli and your brother broke up two years. Last you heard, she was getting married to her childhood friend that your brother was always jealous of. You don't blame Lilli though and you know she didn't just trade your brother for her friend. Your ex was right; Lilli really was a good girl. She clearly had no idea that her friend was in love with her. Still, you kind of wish she'd married your brother because she would have been a good sister-in-law.

You stand up off the bed and walk downstairs. You speak very briefly to Berwald and tell him you don't want the box but if he wants it, he can have it. You also add that you can't imagine why anyone would want it. It's probably cruel of you to say that, but you know that you can be cruel sometimes.

The little boy, Peter, stops you for just a second and asks if you're the guy that his uncle spoke about a lot.

You tell yourself that you don't feel guilty.


End file.
